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| Welcome to the Foreign Bride 101 Weekly Blog! |
| Candid, practical advice for men in the foreign bride search! |
| Hi! Welcome to the Foreign Bride 101 blog! Here, I will share a few ideas, expand on a few questions I've been asked recently around the foreign bride search, and offer the most candid, relevant advice and information I have for nice guys like you! Enjoy your read - and check back weekly for more! |
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“I am sitting here watching it snow outside. It’s a pity you left so quickly. The city is
being decorated for the coming holidays. I wish I had a magic stick I could wave around and you
would be here. We could drink wine and talk… and be sure, there would be plenty for us to talk
about.” (From a letter by Viktoria shortly after we met in 2001.)
I remember the exact moment I read that letter, nearly 10 years ago, after meeting
my wife for the first time over an excruciatingly short 4 days in St. Petersburg, Russia. I
remember being struck by the simple sincerity of it. A few simple words painted a perfect
picture of the same emptiness I had been feeling since arriving back in the states, like
something – or in this case, someone – very essential to my being was missing, leaving
me incomplete and inexplicably alone. I imagined my Viktoria sitting by her apartment
window, watching the snow in the early evening, drinking wine without me, searching the
sky for a trace of my return.
In the following weeks I wrote romantic letters without end. I borrowed upon every
piece of poetry, every chic flick movie scene I could remember. Each time I offered
something a little risqué, Viktoria responded in kind with an equally flirtatious invitation. I
remember her telling me one of her favorite shows was, as they call it in Russia, “Sex and
a Big City.” “Oh boy,” I thought, “this could get interesting!” An interesting thing
happened after our next meeting in March, 2002; our letters become more and more
erotic. Once we crossed the threshold of intimacy together and were again cruelly
separated by thousands of miles, it seemed no topic was off limits. We wrote and wrote,
usually during our late evenings before bed and sleep. Those were some very fertile
letters! When we finally saw each other again in December of 2002, we had a lot of very
delightful catching up to do!
Looking back… I think we knew early on that we were meant to be together, and
somehow would. The conversations a happily married man and wife have late at night in
the darkness together were long underway for us through email before we even got
engaged.
So… how many men over the years have asked me how to write an erotic letter to
their foreign lady? Many! How many more have asked Viktoria to translate a deeply
detailed erotic letter to their girl? (Please don’t do that, guys – she is a happily married
woman, you know. Besides, we’ll just read it together over a few beers and have some
laughs.) Obviously, as I’ve said many times, people in love do what people in love do,
and that certainly includes exchanging sexy letters and emails to communicate your
uninterrupted, unfettered desire for one another. I’m often amazed, however, at the poor
timing or presumptuous nature of guys who venture into the naughty before it’s
appropriate to do so. Let’s clear up a few things on this very natural topic and reset
proper expectations to assure you get the desired effect you’re after when revealing your
inner world to HER.
First – and this is most important, guys – while it’s natural to dream of love, intimacy
and all its pleasures as you search for HER, it is not proper to “go there” until you’ve met,
fallen in love and become lovers. In the early stages of correspondence and meetings
prior to intimacy letters should be romantic and not too risqué. Use this time to plant
seeds in her imagination, offering flirty, irresistible pictures for her to arrange as a
collage in her dreams. Let her bring the ideas to fruition in her own quiet time. Tell her
your reaction to a romantic movie scene, share a love poem or words to a love song and
fill in the words with your own thoughts or reaction. Start a love-story and invite her to
develop it with you. “I imagine you are stopped in traffic and you look behind you to see
me, a stranger, looking at your eyes in the rear view mirror. The lane to your left opens
up and I move my car alongside yours. I look at you… what would you do? Would you
look at me and smile, or drive off and ignore me completely? What if I drove ahead and
out of view but as you turned the corner ahead my car blocked your way and you had to
stop. Then I tapped on your window with flowers from a vendor in the street. I could
invite you for coffee… would you accept? Would you take that chance?” Chances are
she would laugh and respond and join the “game…” Foreign women are romantic and
creative, so once you start – watch out! I once wrote Viktoria that I would help her learn
English. “The first thing I will teach you,” I said, “is how to say ‘Shut up and kiss me!”
“Oh, I agree!” She wrote back. “But then… what would the second thing you teach me
be?”
It is perfectly acceptable to these fine, intelligent, self-respecting women to be
romantic and flirty in your letters before intimacy but keep in mind that direct references
to sex are considered too forward and inappropriate, especially if delivered via an
interpreter or translator. Viktoria once translated for a couple where the man suggested
he and his girl exchange sexy letters to one another. This came after they had met and
dated but had not yet become lovers. Though his girl was clearly uncomfortable with
being too detailed, she tried to appease him with a very romantic letter that contained
only indirect references to sex. His letter, on the other hand, was very descriptive and
blunt – and landed with a thud heard ‘round the world when Viktoria translated it to her.
In the end – they stopped writing to each other, though things were going really well for
them up until that point. (Nice job, Romeo!)
Think of your pre-intimacy letters as another form of foreplay. You are setting the
stage, creating the sacred space, and building the mystery and anticipation for what’s to
come. Be as sincere and creative as you can possibly be while showing the utmost
respect for her. When you want to write “I imagined this morning we were waking
together after a night of making-love…” write “I thought of you this morning immediately
after waking. Do you ever think of me in your quiet time alone?” Be subtle and inviting
but let her follow your lead at a pace that is comfortable for her. Offer as much detail as
you can without being too obvious and let her imagination fill in the rest.
I see guys struggle all the time with romance. Men pursuing the most exotic and
lovely girls from foreign lands can be at a complete loss when trying to communicate
interest, longing, and desire. Guys – READ! There are tons of places to find love
poetry, prose and lyrics all over the internet. Watch a few classic romantic movies. Pick
a scene from a book or a film and expand on it. Find extra creative ways to show your
girl you are going to be an exceptional love experience. EXAMPLE: Take a room in your
house and begin to decorate it for HER. Buy some antique furniture, a painting or two,
silk flowers arrangements. Tell the women you write to you have begun to make a
special room in your home for HER, that it’s your way of creating the karma and energy
that will bring her to you. Write how you imagine the two of you will spend your time there
together. Buy home decorating magazines and get some tips for the look you want. Be
colorful, inviting, determined. If you don’t have such a room, then write how you will have
such a room in your future home, a special place for the two of you to escape and be
lovers. Then write about it! “It’s raining today. A quiet storm came to wake me up this
morning. My window was open only a little but a clever breeze found its way into my
room. I could hear thunder in the distance for a long time before the storm actually
arrived. Do you like rainy mornings? Someday my love and I will greet such mornings in
our room together. We’ll smell peonies and daffodils on the wind through the window as
we wake together. I will kiss her neck and hold her warmly and ask as she awakens what
she’d like for breakfast…” When you think about it, you can always create a new scene,
a new setting and story, right? You should never run out of romantic imaginings to write
about. But again, keep it clean until you’ve become lovers.
Now, once the two of you have shared your first intimacy together – and you’ve
had to return home to navigate through the fiancée visa process, you’ll certainly long for
each other the way deeply connected lovers do. You’ll write each other more often and
call more frequently than ever in order to transcend the thousands of miles that cruelly
separate you both from each other. During this time, men seem determined to maintain
closeness by including erotic or sexy expressions in virtually every letter. Foreign girls
will understand and expect this, though they may not feel comfortable reciprocating as
frequently. Honestly, gentlemen, I think the better practice would be to only occasionally
go “there” in your post-intimacy letters. Don’t over-saturate every email with horny
comments. Choose your timing wisely so your sexy expressions reach her at the right
time. If she’s going to read your email when she gets home from work on a weekday she
may not have enough time or energy to really appreciate your ideas and efforts. Check
the weather in her city. Is it a rainy Sunday? That works! Is it a full moon Friday? That
works. Tell her you’ve been saving your thoughts for just a day or night like this. Ask
her to pour some wine, light a candle and only then read your letter as she goes to bed.
Make it a special occasion – send her flowers and champagne on the day your letter
arrives. Send her a link to a YouTube video or song. Let the music makes the perfect
mood… and then let her open and read your erotica.
Finally – how does the average American guy write the kind of erotic letter that will
send her off to sleep with sweetest of dreams? Again, guys – read and practice. Visit
your bookstore or buy books online that will help you perfect your art of seduction. Set
the mood for yourself with candles and wine and music of your own while you write. Be
daring without being too graphic. Most importantly, communicate your love for her. The
whole point of an erotic letter is not to try to have sex through mail but to speak language
that confirms you cannot be complete without HER. That all the gifts given you by God
will go to waste until she surrenders to you again, in the flesh, in your arms, safe and
secure and loved.
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| The Art of the Romantic Letter |
| Read Previous 2009 - 10 Bog Entries Below! Here are a few blog postings from last year you may enjoy! I'll keep archiving 2010 articles here as well! |
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