Archive for January, 2009

A “Dear John Letter” You Won’t Soon Forget

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

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I have to share this with you guys.

 
Quite often, while conducting my work for couples in the foreign bride experience, I run across something so simple yet so humbling and impressive it causes me to stop whatever I am in the middle of and reflect on why I love being the international love guru I am.  Seriously – I had such a moment this past week – in the form of a “Dear John” letter. 

 
Viktoria and I are working with a client; I’ll call him John – a handsome, super nice 50-something Dental Surgeon from the Midwest.  John has committed to traveling abroad soon in search of his life-partner and has his eye on the women of the FSU (Former Soviet Union.)  Viktoria and I have met with John to conduct a formal interview and shoot a video and questionnaire which is now being circled around the globe on his behalf.  The affiliate agencies abroad receive his bio, photos, video, etc and write back to us with ladies profile numbers who might be interested in corresponding with our client.  We notify him of who has their eye on him and invite him to write any or all of them. For more information about A Foreign Affair’s Executive Global Match Service – go here:

 
http://www.executiveglobalmatch.com/

 
John was a little nervous about what exactly to write in a first letter to a foreign lady, having not done that before.  I gave him a few pointers and he sent over this letter, for a lovely 30-something lady (I’ll name her Anna) from Kharkov, Ukraine.  This is a great example of how to write a perfect first letter which is sincere and attention-grabbing but not too overbearing in what it asks of the lady recipient.  I am including it here to show all you guys who want to correspond with ladies one possible format to use.

 
Hello Dear Anna:

 
Thank you for your letter and interest in my profile!  I am very happy to be writing you and hope we can correspond and possibly talk in the near future.   I liked your profile and pictures very much.  You have a terrific smile and lovely eyes.  Obviously, you live a healthy, active lifestyle.  Thank you for including those pictures that are in your profile.  They are great!  It seems impossible to look at them and not feel your happiness. I like what you wrote about treating people with kindness, as I think this is a very important quality.  I do not like angry or aggressive people.  Family and friends are very important and should be treated with respect at all times.  I can’t wait to have my own wife and children to love and be proud of every day.

 
I see that you are a designer and that you like to sew.  It’s very interesting!  I can imagine that you sew very nicely.  What do you like to sew?  As you probably know, I am in the medical profession. I work with patients every day who are under stress and need a calm, strong and capable person to help them. I find it rather incredible that someone as attractive as you could somehow be single and available anywhere in the world but I am glad you joined the agency.  I live in a great city in a nice neighborhood in Ohio.  I live alone in a cozy house that allows me time to relax after a busy day. I decided recently to try to find my life-partner and soul-mate through an agency like this because I have just not been able for some reason to find her here.  I work very hard and it has not been easy for me to meet someone who is kind, happy, soft, understanding and family-oriented as I am.  I have a wonderful mom and sister but so far I have never been married nor have I any children.  I am happy, I love life and all of God’s blessings and feel I would be a good husband and father.  I am gentle, soft-spoken, tender and very slow to anger and like you, I enjoy an active, healthy lifestyle.  I enjoy quiet times at home reading a good book but I also enjoy jogging, canoeing or biking in the park.   I understand your city is also very interesting.  I think it would be great to visit Ukraine someday.  I want to say that I am serious about my intentions to find someone and would certainly travel abroad in the future when the time comes.  What do you like to do in your city?  Are you from Kharkov originally?

 
Again, Anna, thank you for reading my letter.  I hope you see something here you like and will write me back.  I would be happy to hear from you and to know more about you!

 
Sincerely, 
John

 
Great first letter – and my Viktoria translated and sent it off to Anna.  Less than 48 hours later – he got this GREAT reply.  As you read below, take notice of her careful wording, her calm confidence, her sincere interest in him and the specific things he wrote to her.  It is so hard to describe to men the creative, romantic, poetic way Russian and Ukrainian women express themselves.  It’s incredibly charming and the product of a society that values art, culture, expression and love!

 

 

John,

 
Thank you for the letter! I could sense much warmth in it. It was as if I heard your voice, its rich and soft timbre.  I am glad that my pictures managed to reflect my inner state. I really try to be and feel happy. The formula of happiness is really simple for me. I believe you will agree with me. I am happy because me and my closest people are alive and healthy. I am happy since I can rejoice at simple things that surround us and find the mighty divine wisdom in them. With the help of my work I can bring positive emotions to people. I try to stick to the rule: “Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself”. I have good friends, whose friendship is time-tested.  I simply try to be a good person and live in harmony with myself and people around me. But I don’t have my own family. To be more precise (if to talk about my past) I had a wonderful, genius, kind man by my side. He was my faithful friend, my husband. He has not been with us for already ten years. I am a widow. That was a great tragedy. It took me great moral strength and much work at myself to overcome that tragedy. But I am thankful to God and destiny for those wonderful four years that I spent with my husband.  The terrible ordeal that I underwent made me stronger and I know that the real value is the faithful friend around and family. Human life if the most valuable gift of God and it can be so fragile and only people who love each other can support each other. I am an idealist.

 

You are surprised. You wonder how an attractive woman like me can still be alone. Actually I can say that it is incredible for me as well. But I think you will agree with me that to find the soul mate is a very desirable gift so it is very important to be able to wait. This can last for months and even years but once this happens, one will understand that everything has happen in the right time. 10 years of loneliness. Out of those 10 – 3 years of sorrow, pain and anxiety.  And then simply life. The absence of the soul mate by my side I try to indemnify by communication with friends. I am a sociable and friendly person.
 Another way of compensation is work. I work much. Besides, John, I am your colleague. I graduated from the medical college, I am a nurse. That is why I combine the work of a fashion designer and nurse. I do the night watch in the cardiology centre. When I help people I get the spiritual satisfaction. When I make clothes I bring esthetical pleasure to the client. That is why I can say that I am content with my life and I am happy with it. But all this is the indemnity of the beloved person. Because you know, only in the family one can realize his/her personality, his/her ability to respect, compassionate, sacrifice, forgive, submit. And for me it is most important to remain faithful and devoted. I am family-oriented. The person who is successful in family is successful in all other life spheres. That is why I can’t say that I am totally successful. 

 

While being alone I graduated from the Department of Practical Psychology. However I have not yet considered realizing myself in this field. I have two wonderful nephews and take part in their education. I discuss their problems with them and I am very glad that they ask me for a piece of advice and trust me. This is how I fill the gap of my loneliness – by work, studies, communication with friends and close people. I am also a very calm person who is not easy to infuriate. I can get angry at outrageous injustice, ignorance and stupidity. I also like to spend time over an interesting book or listening to pleasant music.
You say that for some reasons you can’t find your second half. I will tell you that similarities get attracted to each other. I believe in this. Having turned to the agency we have broadened our opportunities and have given an opportunity to the lucky chance. Everything will be fine. I am sure.

 

In my next letter I will tell you about my city and will attach the pictures. Just write to me. I will be looking forward to hearing from you. I am glad that the distance does not scare you away. And although we are so far away from each other, our thoughts, senses, desires and feelings are so similar and close.  Agencies were created for people, who really are very busy, who do not squander their gifts on trifles and value time.

 

Sincerely,
Anna

 
Now imagine guys – you wake up one morning, check your email and you get a letter like this!  I am not including her profile here because I want to protect the opportunity for them both to focus on getting to know each other – but trust me – you’d love to write her.  She’s very shapely, very lovely!  John helped himself a lot by writing a letter that sounds very natural, very confident but also a little risky in mentioning that at 55, he has no real idea how he has failed to meet the right person.  Anna responds in kind – she’s lonely but not desperate.  Yet she realizes at some point she will need to move beyond the unfortunate tragedy that took her husband away and reach out for love once more –and she tells that to John so beautifully.  These are real letters!  Written only this week!  His first to her, her first to him – and this is a GREAT start to what will no doubt be a very rewarding correspondence.

 
I am sharing this with you to show you the possibilities both in what you can expect in correspondence and how quickly, with a little honest effort, YOU can find some spectacular, lonely person who would love to come home after a hard day of work, turn on her computer to check email and see she has been discovered by a nice man like you!
“Just write me.” She says.  Real people, real discovery – it happens so often in this amazing process.  Be a part of it! 

 

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Yet Another Good Reason To Get On That Plane And Go!

Monday, January 5th, 2009

S NOVIM GODIM EVERYONE!

                2008 passed about as quickly as a year can for us.  I am amazed that 2009 is here already.  Like last year I have a list of must-do’s for the next 12 months –and maintaining this blog and site is right up there.  As many of you know, I have a very specific purpose for being here, as outlined in my Mission Statement.  That purpose is to empower as many good men and women in the foreign bride search to find one another, fall in love, get married and live together happily fulfilled.  To that end, I do an awful lot to correct the dominant misperceptions we men and women have about each other in order to give you the knowledge and courage to take the shortest possible path to that life-defining love that awaits you.   I want to help as many guys meet as many foreign ladies as humanly possible this year – so let’s get started on the first entry of 09.  I am committed to updating this weekly with an important message for all you serious foreign-bride-finders out there, so be sure to check back for some solid, reliable info that should make this journey easier for you.

                If you have read my book and blogs or listened in on Monday nights* you have heard me warn time and again of the dangers of seeking a foreign bride who is too young or inexperienced to be taken seriously.  I tend to beat the theoretical dead horse on this topic until my readers and listeners are groaning for me to please stop and move on to the next topic.  I do this because too many serious guys are confused by the mixed messages they receive on the age topic from International Marriage Agency web-sites who rely heavily upon fantasy marketing to attract their audience.   We read time and again that foreign ladies don’t mind marrying older gentlemen.  That is definitely true but the question of “how much older” is where the waters get murky.  I am always quick to point out that the hundreds of foreign women I have met or interviewed since 2001 consistently tell me they want to meet a man no more than 15 – 17 years their age, a man from the “same generation” as they often put it.  “Otherwise,” they tell me, “he will not feel secure in our relationship in his later years.  I want him to be secure and not jealous.”  Very mature reasoning, yes?   Yet, as steadfast as foreign women are – especially Eastern European women – on the age difference issue, women in their late 20’s, 30’s and 40’s tend to be more receptive to men over 50 under one condition – and that condition is – you’ve met in person.
                Guys tell me they sometimes struggle to get women to write them back while trying pre-romance tour correspondence.  Then they go on a tour and meet plenty of women who were more than eager to meet them happy to date them.  So what’s up with that?  Why was it so hard to get responses in writing but no problem at all to find enthusiastic, interested women at the socials?  Everyone’s circumstances are unique, of course but sometimes the answer lies in age perception.  Here’s how it goes.

                Men in Russia and Ukraine have an average life expectancy of 55 – 58 years.  A lot of social factors have an impact here such as poor healthcare, bad habits like drinking and smoking, and perpetual alcoholism.  Keep in mind that due to the relatively low number of English speaking men who visit these foreign countries every year, most foreign ladies are not going to be very exposed to the rather good health of middle-aged men in America as compared to our Russian and Ukrainian counterparts.  The reality is foreign men have a longer health span and are often considerably healthier and more active than the men these women know in their own culture.  But so many foreign ladies will never see that – unless you get your butt on the planer and go show them!  Countless times have I seen a lady whose profile said she wanted only men up to age 40 completely throw that out the window when standing face to face at a social with a handsome, fit  50 something gentleman.  Of course if we remember to send pictures with our correspondence showing our trim physiques and strong countenances that will help us catch their attention.  If we mention our activities like ballroom dancing, jogging, karate or bowling that will help paint the picture of health we occupy but otherwise the ladies will never know our strengths unless we seize the opportunity to catch their eye in person.

                I remember an interpreter who introduced a girlfriend to a tour client – hoping he would take notice of her and ask her out.  The guy asked for the girl’s number and said he would call.  He was 50, she was in her late 20’s.  When he ran into the interpreter a few days later, she asked him if he called her girlfriend as he promised to.  He did not, he told her.  “Why not?  She really liked you!  I’m sure she waited very eagerly for your call?”  “I’m sorry,” he said “but the more I thought about it, the more I felt I was just too old for her.  She’s incredibly beautiful – I can’t imagine she’d really be interested in a guy like me.”  (Ah another splintered self-image – the product of too much American dating.)  “Well, of course she could be happy with you,” the interpreter said, “don’t be so stupid.”  As it turned out he got a second chance and met someone who really appreciated him. 

                I read an article recently that claimed America’s 61 is the new 45, and that men in America are starting to invest significant time and resources to their health and fitness after 40.  One such man – and one of my favorite clients, was a successful commercial construction business owner from Massachusetts who booked himself a 5 city tour in hopes of finding a life-partner after losing his beloved wife of many years.  Tom was 61 at the time, and hadn’t dated since his 20’s.  He was incredibly nervous about the foreign bride process and wanted to go slowly and meet as many ladies as possible before even thinking of getting serious.  He called me virtually every day for the last month prior to his tour departure to cover small, insignificant details.  I could tell he was having serious second-thoughts.  When I met Tom for the first time at JFK on our way to St. Petersburg – I just shook my head and smiled.  “Tom,” I said, “no way are you going to make it through 5 cities on this tour before some girl grabs on to you and just refuses to let go.”  He looked incredible for his age.  He had no idea how successful he would be when he met the ladies in person, but I definitely did.  Later on while still in St. Pete he introduced me to the lovely 33 year old redhead he was completely happy with, and informed me he was taking her with him to all the other cities as a kind of vacation for the two of them.  He couldn’t stop smiling and neither could she.  Yet a lot of ladies might have balked at writing back to a man who probably outlived their father.

                All you over 45 guys still on the fence because you haven’t been getting the kind of reaction to your letters you’d like – don’t read too much into it.  Try to realize that foreign ladies have only the lives right in front of them from which to form opinions about us, kind of the way we have only our American dating experiences to try and understand if lovely foreign ladies could really be happy with us.  It’s natural for us to doubt the women in this process because we have never met nor dated any.  We have only our masochistic “we both care a lot about you and neither one of us cares a lot about me” American dating experiences to convince us a gorgeous younger girl could even consider us as a serious life-partner.  That’s not gonna build a whole lot of confidence in us that we can succeed in the foreign bride search.  Yet those of us who do break the mold, take the risks and get ourselves face to face with these exciting, sincere ladies – will see the excited smiles on the faces of women who not only like us personally but are attracted to us for all the typical reasons.  We are strong, self-assured, sober, productive, healthy, happy and monogamous.  You disserve to be discovered and loved for who you are.  Get on the plane and go! 

*Join me on Monday nights for a telephone conference around the foreign bride search you will not soon forget!  This is free – only normal long distance charges apply!  Dial (404) 920-6610 and when prompted enter conference code 935905#.  You can listen in or press *1 to join the conversation!  Get your questions answered!

Posted in Live Calls, Traveling to Meet HER | No Comments »