foreignbride101.com Blog

When Your Letters Get No Response

I am asked all the time why some men’s efforts to correspond with foreign ladies go unanswered.  Some guys can send off three letters, get three responses right away and be exchanging regular correspondence every other day with lovely, interesting ladies.  Others will voice frustration at getting virtually no response from any of a dozen ladies they have attempted to contact. Why do some succeed and some fail in making an impression strong enough to motivate a girl write back?  Let’s look at three critical pieces of the correspondence puzzle.

1. WHAT IS THE BUSINESS MODEL YOU ARE TRYING TO OPERATE FROM?
   In other words, what resource(s) are you using to get foreign girls contact info?  More than likely you’re finding profiles on the internet from services that offer you different levels of correspondence at varied prices.  You’re probably choosing between a standard email option or a “hands-on” expedited service which promises to deliver your letters personally and quickly.  International Marriage Agencies (IMA’s) and dating sites alike make the bulk of their livelihood from correspondence services, phone translation calls and flower and gift deliveries.  Having reliable contact info for their client women is crucial for their bottom line so problems with ladies information usually get immediate attention.  Why then, do your letters seem to not get through to the ladies you’ve reached out to? If your chosen ladies were interested, wouldn’t they want to write back as soon as possible?  And if they were not – wouldn’t it be polite to write and tell you so?

     At the heart of every IMA’s business model is a keen awareness of IMBRA’s (International Marriage Brokers Regulation Act) requirements around correspondence.  In March, 2006, President Bush signed into law and act requiring businesses that “broker” marriages – an unfair and inaccurate stereotype stamped on reputable introduction services like A Foreign Affair of Phoenix, Arizona – must acquire certain background information on all male clients prior to allowing personal contact with their client foreign women.  This background data must be read and APPROVED by any foreign girl PRIOR to receiving letters and emails through the agency.  IMA’s like AFA must adhere strictly to IMBRA requirements – penalties are stiff for breaking a law most would agree was designed to put them out of business.  Typically – agencies have to assure that a foreign girl’s contact info and correspondence only be exchanged with an approved client.  To protect themselves – many agencies monopolize correspondence between male and female clients. Others, AFA included, will ultimately allow personal contact information to be exchanged upon receipt of a signed statement from the intended female recipient.  Most would agree that exchanging email directly would be quicker than working through an agency – but the law is what it is – and no smart agency would ignore it. Men wishing to correspond with women whose profiles are posted at IMA web-sites like www.loveme.com will have to allow the confirmation process to complete itself – and be thankful there are still agencies like AFA out there to bring profiles to us.

    When a male client sends emails and express emails through an agency site – the possible delays in returns could be due to several factors:  a) The agency may not have the girl’s most recent email address, b) the intended girl may not have an email address and must visit the foreign agency office to pick up or read email, or c) in some cases – a foreign agency office is slow to allow for personal information to be exchanged so as to benefit from ongoing correspondence through their staff.  Ask your IMA – “How often do you update your profiles and email addresses?”  “What assurances can you offer that she is getting my emails and express emails?” “Who is the point of contact for your foreign partners or offices and how can I work with him/her to assure my letters are getting through?”  Straight-up answers to these questions will help you build trust that your correspondence investment is in the right hands.”  Most agencies want you to use their services repeatedly, and will be most helpful in getting your letters to the girl – at that point it will be up to her to do her part to keep correspondence going.

2.  WHAT ARE YOU WRITING IN YOUR LETTERS THAT MAY BE PREVENTING YOU FROM GETTING A RESPONSE?
     A lot of what men write in their letters to foreign girls will depend on their overall impression of them and their true reasons for joining an IMA.  It will also depend on how sincere the men are about ultimately getting on a plane to go and meet the women they are writing to.  THOUSANDS of keyboard romeos write letters to foreign women every day with no real intention of ever going anywhere other than their living rooms to find love.  Foreign women learn how to separate the doers from the thinkers.  If you haven’t decided that your correspondence will likely lead you to another country to meet an exceptional person – maybe you should think twice about writing.  I wrote in my book, “Foreign Bride 101” the best opening line in the first letter to a foreign girl is simply something like  “Hello, my name is___________ and I am writing you because I plan to visit your city later this year. I decided recently to try to meet a special person with whom I could fall in love, marry and start a family.   I hope we can get to know each other and possibly meet then.” 

     Think about all the opening lines that girl may have read – especially if she is very attractive, or has a particularly interesting profile and photos.  I promise you many guys will write silly things like “Hi my name is _________ . I saw your profile and you look really hot.  I am looking to meet a nice girl for some fun times – nothing too serious – just a mutual good time when I come to your city next month. If you are interested, write back.”  Typically – they don’t.  Then there’s the “I know this is our first letter but I think I am in love with you already” crowd  -  guys who write seemingly harmless things like “I would love to hold you in my arms someday.”  Nothing wrong with that after you have met – but generally a weird thing for them to read in the first few letters.  Are you asking them about sex?  Bad idea – again after you’ve met and fallen in love it’s pretty much anything goes.  Guys will sometimes ask a girl if she is ready to relocate and come to live in America with them – IN THE FIRST LETTER!  I can just hear the foreign girl thinking “Well… HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW?” I remember one beautiful girl from Tomsk telling me  of the many letters she got from men essentially asking her if she would be willing to leave her two sons in Russia in order to have life with them in America.  Sorry, guys – but that’s just freakin’ dumb!

     I have asked hundreds of women what they want in correspondence from a guy – and they unanimously say they want to meet men who are serious, sincere gentlemen, ready to take steps toward meeting if the two of you decide you like each other and have much in common.  Then write about your basic interests – and be sure to ask plenty about her – what she likes to eat, what her favorite films are, what her hobbies and interests are.  Throw in a tasteful compliment or two – pretty basic stuff, right?  Also – avoid long letters.  At the nd of a long work day the last thing a woman wants to open up in her email is foreign love’s equivalent to a Congressional filibuster or the history of man since time began.  3 paragraphs tops would be good – especially if she does not speak English and will need to get it translated.

3.  Finally –  WHO ARE YOU WRITING TO?
   Despite all that you read at foreign bride and IMA web-sites – foreign women are generally seeking someone within 15 – 20 years of their age TOPS!  There may be a few exceptions to this – but only a few.  I have asked hundreds of foreign women about their age preferences and they will tell me consistently they prefer 12 – 15 years but would consider as much as 20 for someone young and vital at heart – active and energetic.  Some guys write ONLY to the top 1% of foreign beauty queens under the age of 23 – girls typically 30 years or more younger than they.  When they get no or little response they are the first to yell “SCAM!”  It’s as if some guys want only the fantasy of a young, gullible, agreeable trophy wife or they want no part of this at all.  There are plenty of gorgeous, wonderful ladies over age 25 who maybe regarded at a 9.5 on a scale of 1 – 10 who should be more than good enough for most of us every day joe’s – and if we can wrap our minds around a realistic idea of who our foreign bride should be – it will save us a whole lot of money and frustration in time. Generally, you should avoid profiles of women who are showing too much (respectful foreign girls really don’t do this,) or who are serious candidates for Victoria’s Secret.  Seek out the more realistic, believable and lovely profiles of women who are more likely to be affected by your letter.  Women will probably not write to men they don’t view as being from their generation.

     For more great ideas on how to correspond effectively with lovely foreign ladies – please read my book “Foreign Bride 101.”